Antero Garcia Pay no attention to the
man behind the curtain, just send any comments or complaints to
[email protected].
edu..
The only reason I’m bothering to write this column is
because I thought it would be a good time to say goodbye. No,
I’m not going anywhere, but the Arts & Entertainment
section as you might have previously known it is about to hit the
road.
Traditionally, this is the column where the all-powerful,
stunningly handsome Arts & Entertainment Editor gets to preach
from his or her throne the wonders of this section. The editor
usually tries to convince the adoring masses that Arts &
Entertainment is actually the most meaningful and powerful of the
Daily Bruin sections.
While I whole-heartedly agree with these past titans, I
don’t really want to tread down this path. Fine, fine, go
ahead and call me lazy, conceited, and rude. Hell, as Bullet Tooth
Tony says in “Snatch,” “You can call me Susan if
it makes you happy.”
You see, while many of you were catching rays at the beach, or
maybe taking a nice long vacation in Mexico, the Daily Bruin staff
has been pushing the boundaries of what can be achieved in
A&E.
First of all, and probably most helpful for all of you MTV
addicts with short attention spans, we’re going to make an
effort to have shorter stories. I mean who wants to read an ABBA CD
review the size of the annotated “Crime and
Punishment”? For that matter, who wants to even read anything
(or listen to anything) about ABBA? I guess ABBA is just a bad
example, but you get the idea.
I learned a valuable lesson when I baby sat my 10-year old
cousin over the summer ““ a kid so hyper that he has trouble
putting his pants on each morning because he’s jiggling
around like a constipated monkey that’s trained as an
understudy for “Riverdance.”
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the valuable lesson: you’ve
got to keep the stories short so that people like my cousin,
Captain Jigglepants, will be able to read them.
At this point in my explanation, I usually get people who ask,
“Andy, what good are shorter stories if they are written
about crappy subjects?”
Actually, we are drastically changing our coverage in A&E.
We’re making a huge effort to cover issues that are strictly
cutting-edge. We want to find that new movie that challenges its
audience. We want to find those artists who make the public both
think and feel.
Let’s see, next on “Andy’s list of fun”
is the topic of presentation. You see, nobody’s going to give
a rat’s schiznickel about any of A&E’s stories if
they look as interesting as an instruction manual on how to build a
ladder.
So, being the wise and charismatic person that I am, I’m
going to make sure that A&E looks nice and snappy for all of
you crazy young kids here at UCLA. A&E is going to try its best
to look as good as all of your favorite magazines out there. For
girls these are usually Cosmopolitan, Mademoiselle, and the
Victoria’s Secret catalog. For guys, these are usually Maxim,
Sports Illustrated, and the Victoria’s Secret catalog.
With all of these monumental and historical changes being made
right here in the Daily Bruin Arts & Entertainment section,
I’m sure you’re wondering why I am putting so much
effort into “just a school paper” (as my cranky next
door neighbor refers to the Bruin).
Well, there are a number of reasons for my nearly heroic drive.
First of all, as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I’m related
to Captain Jigglepants. His short attention span runs in the
family. Secondly, as a guy I do like Maxim, Sports Illustrated, and
the Victoria’s Secret catalog, and would like to read a
section that looks as eye-catching as these periodicals.
Lastly, but most importantly, I am a Bruin who is proud of his
work. I believe that our A&E section can, on a daily basis,
compete with the Los Angeles Times and Rolling Stone in bringing
you the most entertaining and fulfilling art- and culture-related
news that UCLA, Los Angeles, and the world have to offer.
I know my job is not an easy one, but according to Ice-T,
neither is pimping “¦ I guess I’ll just stick with
journalism.