The only thing worse than a hipster is a person who, whether
knowingly or not, dresses like one. I’m not talking about the
trucker hats, or the aviators, or that shaggy unwashed hair.
I’m talking about the worn-out metal shirts that were
discarded in the ’80s only to be unearthed and sold at Fred
Segal for $125 a pop.
An onslaught of celebrities have been seen sporting these
kitschy shirts, like Drew Barrymore, Britney Spears and one of the
Olsen twins, (don’t ask which one, I have no idea). Drew
Barrymore can be excused, perhaps she actually likes Judas Priest.
But Britney Spears wearing a Def Leopard shirt, and not just any
Def Leopard shirt, a shirt faded and riddled with holes and a torn
seam? Did the folks at Dolce & Gabbana run out of fresh ideas,
forcing Britney to raid her dad’s old shirt collection?
Or how about that Olsen sister wearing a Metallica shirt that
was probably worn for the first time when she was an embryo? Shirts
like these go for 40 bucks at City Rags in Westwood. Forty dollars
for a shirt that would fall apart after two rounds in the washing
machine. I wonder if the critical acclaim of “Reload”
and “St. Anger” drove the price up.
It’s not just celebrities wearing these shirts on their
days off either. The model in the “I’m Lovin’
It” video by Justin Timberlake is wearing a beat-up Iron
Maiden shirt. What was the director thinking? “Hmmm, we want
her to look hot, so let’s find the most ill-fitting shirt
with a crappy British metal band to accentuate her figure!”
These guys working for MTV are just brilliant.
The worst thing about this phenomenon is how the masses react.
Back in the early ’90s, celebrities wore shirts to plug a
band. In return, fans of that celebrity would maybe check out that
band.
But now it’s strictly about fashion. Fans see starlets
wearing these shirts and think, “Oh, I have to get a shirt
like that!” instead of,”Oh, I should check that band
out!” But these are different times, and used 15 year-old
band T-shirts cost more than a box set and a backstage pass.
This wouldn’t bother me so much if the people wearing the
shirts had a clue about the band on the shirt on which they wasted
their money.
“How do I know they don’t know the bands,” you
ask? Well, if these people knew anything about British metal, they
wouldn’t be wearing Iron Maiden shirts; they’d be
wearing Black Sabbath gear. And if they listened to Judas Priest,
they wouldn’t be wearing its shirt because, well, Rob Halford
sucks. Metallica is only socially acceptable because it was good
about 15 years ago.
E-mail Marras at [email protected].