“Van Helsing” Directed by Stephen Sommers
Universal Pictures
“I want to live,” cries Frankenstein’s monster
at one point in “Van Helsing.” About halfway through
the film, you’ll want to scream the opposite.
“Van Helsing” is the latest effort by director
Stephen Sommers (“The Mummy”) in which he returns to
his familiar formula of using classic movie monsters made famous by
Hollywood in the 1930s and gives them computer-generated image
treatment. It’s just too bad computer-generated images
can’t create an interesting story or dialogue that
doesn’t make you cringe.
Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), the legendary vanquisher of evil
born in the pages of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula,”
this time must deal with the trifecta of classic movie monsters
from 19th century Transylvania: Dracula, the Wolfman and
Frankenstein’s monster. Dracula, clearly the main villain,
seeks to unleash his horde of offspring onto the rest of the world.
So why does he need the Wolfman and Frankenstein’s help?
He doesn’t, but when you have over $100 million in studio
money to work with, you find a way to include them.
Along the way, Van Helsing enlists the help of Anna Valerious
(Kate Beckinsale, doing her worst Romanian accent), a heroine whose
family has been destroyed by Dracula. Through the film, Valerious
assists Van Helsing by questioning every move that he tries to
make, but the real question is whether Valerious has any purpose in
the film other than providing eye candy.
Van Helsing suffers from amnesia and cannot remember much of his
past. Apparently, Sommers went through a slight case of amnesia
himself while filming, forgetting that boring characters and plot
are not ingredients for a good film.
Jackman, who’s no stranger to big action movies, here
seems bored with the title role. He mumbles his dialogue (if you
want to call it that), while bringing no charisma to the
character.
Van Helsing isn’t the 19th century version of James Bond
you want him to be. Instead, he is nothing more than a bad knockoff
of Indiana Jones, minus the witty one-liners.
With the exception of the interesting first 10 minutes shot in
black and white, obviously paying homage to the movies from which
“Van Helsing” spawns, and some amazing visual effects,
Sommers fails to capture the campy fun of classic horror movies.
Despite having three of the most recognizable monsters in movie
history, the only thing scary about “Van Helsing” is
its impending sequel.
-Andy Etzkorn