Just the other day, I was whiling away my evening like any
normal college student, watching Animal Planet instead of studying.
The particular program I had the pleasure of viewing on this
occasion was titled “Ultimate Zoos.” It made sure to
deliver on its promise, presenting some zoos that were indeed
rather ultimate, including one of the world’s largest hippo
aquariums and the Arctic Ring of Life polar bear exhibit in
Detroit. The one that struck me the most, however, was an
artificial savannah for giraffes in Canada.
I quickly came to one irrefutable conclusion: It’s weird
seeing giraffes in Canada. They are pretty strange creatures to
begin with ““ their bodies are wildly disproportionate, they
move awkwardly, and they have those silly Martian ears ““ but
having them roam around fenced-off fields in Canada is obviously
unnatural, no matter how the zoo planners try to dress it up.
The same violent confusion that met my most recent Animal Planet
experience also happens every year during Oscar season when I read
the nominee list and get to Best Original Song.
All the other categories reward hard work by dedicated
professionals; for some, it’s the accomplishment of a
lifetime to take home the hardware. On the other hand, pretty much
nobody cares about the Best Song nominees. I’m a guy who
tries to keep up with films and music as much as possible, but I
usually can’t recognize a good half of the songs that are
nominated, even if I’ve seen the movies they were written
for. Case in point: Last year’s winner “Into the
West,” from “Lord of the Rings: Return of the
King.” Does anyone remember how that one goes?
To be fair, there have been a wide range of deserving songs
nominated in the past: “Cheek to Cheek” from “Top
Hat,” the theme song from “Shaft,” “Blame
Canada” and “Triplets of Belleville” among them.
Aimee Mann and Elliott Smith were nominated not too long ago. The
category is also responsible for one of the most unintentionally
funny moments in recent Oscar memory, when an absent Eminem won a
few years back, and some guy in a Pistons jersey came on stage and
started rambling on about how Em had “symphonies in his
head.”
But most years, I end up seeing a largely mediocre group of
songs performed live during the Oscar telecast (the performances
are probably the only reason the category is kept around), after
which I make up my mind as to which one “wasn’t
bad” and then watch it lose.
It’s a category that’s clearly out of place ““
like a fish out of water, if you will, or more relevantly, a
giraffe in Canada. It needs to be done away with. But what about
the performances during the telecast, and the marketing it
provides? Once again, I have the world-improving solution: a Best
Soundtrack category.
First, nominating five soundtracks would result in a wider
selection of songs to choose from for the performances. Second,
it’s a much savvier way to drive sales for everyone involved;
a “Best Original Song” win hardly translates into
money, and that’s half of what the Oscars are all about. And
most importantly, some very solid soundtracks are released every
year that go unnoticed. This year we had “Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind” and “I Heart Huckabees,” and I
know I’m leaving some others out.
So there we go, another problem solved. Now, if only Animal
Planet would start returning my e-mails.
E-mail Lee at [email protected].