Networks came into this season thinking they had it all figured
out.
Looking at the success of shows such as “Lost” and
“24,” networks thought they had struck gold. Viewers
were crazy about shows with continuing plotlines. After all,
“24” and “Lost” are two of the biggest
watercooler shows since “Seinfeld.” Moreover,
“24” had a successful gimmick: a running clock.
Ah ha! Creating a hit show only requires two things: a
mind-blowing gimmick and a continuing plotline.
Problem is, the most important part of the equation is missing:
viewers.
NBC got hit the hardest with “Kidnapped.” It was
like the Mel Gibson movie “Ransom,” except with Billy
from “Six Feet Under.” The show followed the search for
a kidnapped boy in serialized format, and viewers shunned it in
droves. NBC eventually cancelled the show and is now airing its
remaining episodes on Saturday nights.
ABC is currently getting burned by “The Nine,” its
serialized show about nine former hostages from a 52-hour bank
standoff, detailing how the experience changed them and flashing
back every episode to show more of what happened during the
standoff. Mostly, they whine about how their lives suck now while
friends and relatives repeatedly ask during every episode,
“What happened in there?” The most lasting impression
this show could have is as a really awesome drinking game.
The CW’s “Runaway,” about a family on the run,
has been given a dirt nap. ABC’s “Six Degrees,”
about yuppies who find that their lives are connected, hasn’t
set the world on fire, and ABC’s midseason slate of
serialized comedies (they exist), including “Big Day”
and “The Knights of Prosperity,” has been pushed
back.
What do these shows have in common, other than gimmicks and
continuing story lines? That’s easy.
They all suck.
The networks are suddenly complaining that people don’t
want serialized dramas. They offer a number of reasons for this,
such as viewer fatigue. Audiences, they say, can’t keep track
of so many things going on at once.
However, I, and many people I know, watch “24,”
“Lost,” “Veronica Mars” and many other
shows with continuing plotlines. It isn’t difficult to keep
track of what’s going on, especially with recaps at the
beginning of each episode (except “Lost,” which is
impossible to jump into).
The real issue is that these aren’t even actual shows
““ they’re merely half-assed ideas. The networks have
been so seduced by the success of “24” and
“Lost” that they’ve overthought ideas for
television shows and just tried to be as creative as possible.
“The Nine” sounds intriguing ““ as a TV movie.
The same goes for “Jericho,” about a town dealing with
the aftermath of a nuclear attack, the only moderate hit of any of
these shows (also the worst; go figure).
There’s a lot of talk right now about how television is
better than ever before. To a degree, this is true. Shows like
“24,” “Battlestar Galactica,” “The
Wire,” “Veronica Mars” and “Lost” are
superb. But networks are still obsessed with latching onto the
latest trend. Sixteen years ago, every stand-up comedian got their
own sitcom. Then came the “Friends” rip-offs. Then
medical dramas. “X-Files” clones. Animated shows. Crime
procedurals. And now comes the serialized drama.
What the networks failed to realize in their mania with having
the most edgy fare was that “24” and “Lost”
didn’t succeed because of their basic premises ““ they
succeeded in spite of them.
An island is a restrictive premise on first glance. However,
“Lost” has transcended this through rich plot and
character development. “24” succeeds because its
real-time mechanism is important but not integral; the plots and
characters are intriguing enough already. The clock is just an
added extra.
Finding out whether Jack Bauer can disarm 10 nuclear warheads in
five minutes is a whole lot more interesting than nine morons
whining about a bank standoff.
I, as well of the rest of America, don’t give a crap what
happened in there.
Humphrey thinks it’s possible to succumb to alcohol
poisoning after playing “The Nine” drinking game for 10
minutes. E-mail him at [email protected].